Feeling ok

Today I am kind of ok.

To say I am feeling something would be wrong, I neither feel sad, happy or indifferent, I do feel alive though, which I guess is a good start...

Biker Guy has turned into Mr Nice...go figure!

It's very strange, we go about our usual routines, nothing has really changed, he's stopped bitching and sniping...it's almost as if we have both sighed with relief and got on with the situation we now find ourselves in.

He moves out tomorrow, the kids won't be here til Monday, well not the youngest anyhow. It'll be me and my teenage daughter this weekend, girlie night in is in order I think.

Soppy movies, face packs and hideous amounts of chocolate...heaven!

If things go according to plan, I should be off out tomorrow, a girlfriend and I have a long overdue appointment with a few bottles of wine, some vodka and a packed dance floor...make way ladies the girls are back in town!

So until tomorrow.

Adoringly yours

Sugar x

OMFG!!!!

What was I thinking???

Well obviously I wasn't, my cock was...or it would've been if I was a bloke!

How the fuck did that happen.....Grrrrrr

I hate it when the body is so weak, fucks the head right up..

WE HAD SEX!

There I said it, it's out there.

"Hey World, I had sex with he guy I just broke up with!"

Damned body is so weak, he knows all the right buttons to press, just exactly where to breath on my neck, how much pressure to put on my thigh, how a gentle rubbing of my nipples leads to them becoming erect almost instantaneously, how the feel of his urgency to make love against the small of my back makes my body arch into his.

The sex was great, it always was.

The tears afterwards weren't good, full of guilt and self doubt.

He knows it was nothing more.

He knows it's over.

Two people who care about each other, just reaching out and sharing something that made them feel good.

Then why do I feel like a whore.....

Adoringly yours

Sugar x

And Still....

...it's Tuesday!
Told my Son today that me and my partner were breaking up, it was one of the hardest things I've had to do in a long while. I've been putting off ever since I made the decision over a week ago now, but he is coming home at the end of this week (he's been staying at his Nanny's) and I just couldn't put it off any longer.
He said something that broke my heart and made me realise that all along my decision has been the right one, and that this time I have to put them first and there happiness. I know my own is essential to their well being, but I can be happy without being sucked into a relationship as quickly as this one came about, especially as my heart was still healing and hurting.

My Son looked at me with all the wisdom of a 9 year old boy and said..
"Mom do me a favour, just don't have any more boyfriends!"

That was kind of a wake up call, one I'd been expecting if I was honest and one that was richly deserved. I made him a promise that from now on it was just us, and if or when I was to meet anybody again, it would be a long time before they became part of our family life. I could do my dating without involving them.
We need to rebuild our bonds and our family ties need to be solid before we are all ready to move on.

It's been an emotional day for all of us. My Mum and Dad go home tomorrow, back to the sunshine from whence they came, my Son is inconsolable at their departure, even though in 3 weeks time we will be boarding a plane to spend a fortnight with them! My teenage daughter is non plussed about it and my youngest just waved them Goodbye with a smile as if she'd see them again in the morning! She is only 5 after all and at that age one day just slips into the next perfectly seamless or so it appears.

Biker guy and I are actually talking civilly to each other (the last two weeks have been vile) it's difficult, he is supposed to leave Friday. Seeing is believing I guess. Today he has been nice, I think I prefer nasty, at least I know where I am. In the mood he is in it's hard to second guess his next move.....I wait with bated breath!

Adoringly yours

Sugar x

Day One

Well that isn't quite accurate but it will be..soon.
I've decided to jump ship, for a couple of reasons really..
a) too many people I know in 'real' life read my other blog and
b) too many people who I didn't realise knew how to find me have found me
c) he reads it (although he says he doesn't) and so does his friends.!
So seeing as this is a new chapter in my life, I decided to start a whole new page, wipe the slate clean so to speak.

Let us begin....

Adoringly yours
Sugar x