And he said....

At times i may seem distant but I'm am here.
That man who feel in love with you.
My eyes still see your beauty.My arms long for your embrace.
My heart feeds off yours, yearns for yours.

The emptiness I sense is overwhelming us both.
I hear your words but somehow, for some reason,I can't respond.
This feeling inside I have is tearing at my very being.
It scares me.

The love I feel for you is as strong as the day we met.
To know that I'm causing you pain, burns my soul.
It seems so recent that we shared so much.
Those good times will return, I know they will.

Having you in my life has made it so magical, so fantastic.
I want you to know that I love you with all my heart.
I know things will improve and i shall escape this place.
Simply knowing that you are there is priceless.

I'm still here for you.

All my Love.

A. xxx

In the dark

Sometimes I get lost in your dark mood,
It's like a thick, consuming fog bellowing across my very soul,
I know it's not your fault,
I understand you don't choose to be this way,
I can only begin to imagine how it feels for you in the darkness,
That black solitude that grabs a hold of your heart,
Those whirlwind of thoughts that refuse to be reigned in.
But days like today,
I only feel my pain,
And ignore yours.
I only feel the coldness of that lonely smile in your eyes,
And not the welcoming warmth in your arms.
I only feel the sadness,
That threatens to exhaust me,
But not your loving words that are whispered so adoringly.
Today I feel like I am walking uphill,
Through a swamp like mire,
No hand to hold,
No voice to lead me,
Just desolate country side all around me,
And it's cold,
So fuckin' cold.
And who turned the God damn lights off???
You know I hate it in the dark,
Please don't leave me here too long,
For each moment I am here,
My soul becomes more invisible,
Until eventually my spirit disappears,
I don't wanna be invisible anymore...
Do you hear me?

Sugar x

Feeling lucky

I'm afraid of the dark once more,
I can feel this blissful scene slipping through my fingers,
And this time it is out of my control.
What I say,
What I do,
No matter how hard or how all consuming this love is,
This time it might not be enough.

I can feel your grip slowly loosen against mine,
Your fingers are no longer tightly woven within my hand,
I can feel my heart grow cold as your embrace becomes but a memory.
I fight with my words,
Controlling them,
Carefully placing each one, trying not to alarm you or cause you pain,
It startles me that life is so fragile,
That my soul once again lays open to the possibility of so much pain.

I want to run.
To escape these feelings of helplessness,
My hands are useless,
My words no longer touch your ears,
And my heart, the strength that was once there is now fleeting.

I want to hide,
Curl into a ball and lose myself amongst the shadows in the darkness,
Feed off it's strength and vulnerability.

I want to help you,
I need to,
I have to hang onto this Love,
Such adoration has never before touched my soul,
I am ready for it,
Open to it.

So although at times I may seem distant,
I am here,
Beside you,
And there maybe moments when these eyes no longer dance with fire,
But I am here,
Smiling on the inside.
And at times this heart may seem cold and uncaring,
I am here,
Struggling,
But still here,
Always.

Adoringly yours

Sugar x

And his response...........

Sugar

I just needed to let you know a few things. Firstly and most importantly i want to tell you how much you have helped me the past few days. You have dropped everything without hesitation to be by my side. I will never forget that. No-one has ever done that for me before. It makes me feel incredibly lucky that you are my girlfriend. This has been hard for you and whilst I'm struggling with my inner torment, its easy to overlook the fact that you are suffering at the same time. I want you to be able to tell me anything at any time. If its too much for me to take, then I'll tell you so but i don't for one moment want you to feel that you can't talk to me about your troubles. You are my world and i will ALWAYS be there when you need me. Today has been testing for both of us. When I asked you to come with me I put you in an impossible position. If I had been thinking straight I never would have asked you to choose. I do however thank you for helping me. I'm confident that I have reached the bottom and the next steps shall be upwards to a bright future. I'm still frightened about dealing with this, but i also know that I'm a fighter and what we share is worth fighting for. I won't give in to this and knowing that you stand by my side is such a wonderful feeling. I am truly blessed that i have found you. Things will get better, they will, trust me. I'm not about to let this dream fade. These past few weeks have been magical. Those times shall return, of that I'm sure. I hope these words bring you some comfort. I know you are in a bad place yourself, you just hide it better!!! Don't ever feel that you are on your own in that dark abyss. Reach for my hand and it WILL be there. I loved you the moment our eyes met, I love you today, I will love you always.

A xxxx

All I wanna do..

I swear my heart misses a beat when your eyes glaze over,

That all consuming look you bestow upon me,

Enraptures my soul,

I can't tear my gaze from your hypnotic allure.

Your touch upon my skin feels like an electric current,

Igniting my senses teasingly one by one,

Your hands so gentle yet firm almost melt into my skin,

Joining two bodies as one,

Coaxing this wanton desire to the surface.

When you kiss without kissing,

You know that intake of breath when your lips are almost upon mine,

I could fall right into you at that moment and be lost,

Forever.

I can feel that hot claret course through my veins,

As your tongue searches for mine,

Tasting this need,

This insatiable want.

My emotions are in constant battle,

Needing to feed the fire you have set alight in my very soul,

And doing the mundane day to day things of this 'real' existence.

When all I really want to do is slide inside of you,

And surrender my soul to you entirely...

Adoringly yours,

Sugar x

I am Lost!

Beautiful, honeyed whispers caress my neck once more,

Your breath on my skin so wonderfully delicious,

The heat of your persistent desire lingering at my throat,

A touch,

A word,

A moment,

And I am lost,

Forever.

This wanton ambition dizzying all logical thought,

Needing your hand on my already tortured flesh,

Feeding this hunger with each wicked concern,

Always failing to quieten this demon thirst,

For now.

A kiss,

A whisper,

A moment,

And I am lost,

Yours forever.

Sinful images distort my mind,

Beneath your skin this immorality grows,

Pulsing through these veins,

Pushing all boundaries of this insanity.

God, this feels so fuckin good!

Don't stop.....

Adoringly yours,

Sugar x

Funny? Strange?

Funny how I'm so used to your presence,

And yet there is so much to know about you,

Strange how you are so familiar to me,

And still your eyes are full of mystery.

Funny how I know exactly what your thinking,

And yet there are corridors of your mind I have yet to wander,

Strange how you know the very essence of my soul,

And still find new things to learn.

Funny how your hand fits perfectly in mine,

And yet we have only just begun on this journey,

Strange how our paths mysteriously crossed this way,

And still we wonder at the madness of it all.

Funny how you know just when to call,

And yet sometimes still haven't the right words to say,

Strange how even the wrong words sooth my spirit,

And still my heart overflows with love.

Funny how all we ever hear is "take your time".

And yet all we wanna do is run,

Strange how the time apart drags like an eternity,

And still, when we share days together 24 hours is never long enough.

Funny how I've always known you,

And yet we had never met,

Strange how you slot so easily into my life,

And still bring something wondrous and new.

Funny how I thought I had loved before,

And yet have never tasted a dish as sweet as this one,

Strange how my heart was instantly yours,

And still aches each time you leave.

Funny? Nope, just deliriously happy.
Strange? Yeah maybe, but I am loving every minute of this journey.

Adoringly yours,

Sugar x

I adore you

I love hearing you say you are mine,

And knowing that I am yours.

There is a real sense of just being cherished and adored and I want you to feel the same in return.

I love the fact that my day starts with your touch and ends with your whispered word in my ear.

I love the way my body responds to your command like it's always known the voice that caresses this soul into submission.

People may say it's wrong,

And that it's too soon.

And that we're a little bit crazy!

Well "Hell Yeah!"

I am crazy,

And it's probably moving way too fast,

But wrong?

God No.

I have waited for you in the shadows of life,

Silently whispering your name,

Hoping you would find your way home in the dark.

And now you're here.

My heart is full,

My soul once more is at peace,

And my spirit soars on enchanted wings,

Drawing it's strength from the beauty of this pure love.

I simply adore you...

Adoringly yours,

Sugar x