And he said....

At times i may seem distant but I'm am here.
That man who feel in love with you.
My eyes still see your beauty.My arms long for your embrace.
My heart feeds off yours, yearns for yours.

The emptiness I sense is overwhelming us both.
I hear your words but somehow, for some reason,I can't respond.
This feeling inside I have is tearing at my very being.
It scares me.

The love I feel for you is as strong as the day we met.
To know that I'm causing you pain, burns my soul.
It seems so recent that we shared so much.
Those good times will return, I know they will.

Having you in my life has made it so magical, so fantastic.
I want you to know that I love you with all my heart.
I know things will improve and i shall escape this place.
Simply knowing that you are there is priceless.

I'm still here for you.

All my Love.

A. xxx

In the dark

Sometimes I get lost in your dark mood,
It's like a thick, consuming fog bellowing across my very soul,
I know it's not your fault,
I understand you don't choose to be this way,
I can only begin to imagine how it feels for you in the darkness,
That black solitude that grabs a hold of your heart,
Those whirlwind of thoughts that refuse to be reigned in.
But days like today,
I only feel my pain,
And ignore yours.
I only feel the coldness of that lonely smile in your eyes,
And not the welcoming warmth in your arms.
I only feel the sadness,
That threatens to exhaust me,
But not your loving words that are whispered so adoringly.
Today I feel like I am walking uphill,
Through a swamp like mire,
No hand to hold,
No voice to lead me,
Just desolate country side all around me,
And it's cold,
So fuckin' cold.
And who turned the God damn lights off???
You know I hate it in the dark,
Please don't leave me here too long,
For each moment I am here,
My soul becomes more invisible,
Until eventually my spirit disappears,
I don't wanna be invisible anymore...
Do you hear me?

Sugar x

Feeling lucky

I'm afraid of the dark once more,
I can feel this blissful scene slipping through my fingers,
And this time it is out of my control.
What I say,
What I do,
No matter how hard or how all consuming this love is,
This time it might not be enough.

I can feel your grip slowly loosen against mine,
Your fingers are no longer tightly woven within my hand,
I can feel my heart grow cold as your embrace becomes but a memory.
I fight with my words,
Controlling them,
Carefully placing each one, trying not to alarm you or cause you pain,
It startles me that life is so fragile,
That my soul once again lays open to the possibility of so much pain.

I want to run.
To escape these feelings of helplessness,
My hands are useless,
My words no longer touch your ears,
And my heart, the strength that was once there is now fleeting.

I want to hide,
Curl into a ball and lose myself amongst the shadows in the darkness,
Feed off it's strength and vulnerability.

I want to help you,
I need to,
I have to hang onto this Love,
Such adoration has never before touched my soul,
I am ready for it,
Open to it.

So although at times I may seem distant,
I am here,
Beside you,
And there maybe moments when these eyes no longer dance with fire,
But I am here,
Smiling on the inside.
And at times this heart may seem cold and uncaring,
I am here,
Struggling,
But still here,
Always.

Adoringly yours

Sugar x

And his response...........

Sugar

I just needed to let you know a few things. Firstly and most importantly i want to tell you how much you have helped me the past few days. You have dropped everything without hesitation to be by my side. I will never forget that. No-one has ever done that for me before. It makes me feel incredibly lucky that you are my girlfriend. This has been hard for you and whilst I'm struggling with my inner torment, its easy to overlook the fact that you are suffering at the same time. I want you to be able to tell me anything at any time. If its too much for me to take, then I'll tell you so but i don't for one moment want you to feel that you can't talk to me about your troubles. You are my world and i will ALWAYS be there when you need me. Today has been testing for both of us. When I asked you to come with me I put you in an impossible position. If I had been thinking straight I never would have asked you to choose. I do however thank you for helping me. I'm confident that I have reached the bottom and the next steps shall be upwards to a bright future. I'm still frightened about dealing with this, but i also know that I'm a fighter and what we share is worth fighting for. I won't give in to this and knowing that you stand by my side is such a wonderful feeling. I am truly blessed that i have found you. Things will get better, they will, trust me. I'm not about to let this dream fade. These past few weeks have been magical. Those times shall return, of that I'm sure. I hope these words bring you some comfort. I know you are in a bad place yourself, you just hide it better!!! Don't ever feel that you are on your own in that dark abyss. Reach for my hand and it WILL be there. I loved you the moment our eyes met, I love you today, I will love you always.

A xxxx