Explaining myself...

...well as fully as I can here.
Friday's post was because I was waiting for your call, needing to hear from you, hoping to hear...
I thought you were gonna call Wednesday, but No and Yes I understand that at times it is difficult for you and I appreciate that. But something you said played on my mind...
"I can't give you any kind of commitment because of my situation.....you know they come first. I really like you and I would love it if we're really close friends ...... you've been hurt and I'm worried that this is not what you need right now...."
You said quite a lot actually, not that I was listening at the time, cos all I wanted to do once I had you to myself was get close to you.
You were right of course.
I need more, right now I need commitment and security and a phone number I can actually use!!!
I went crazy for two days waiting for a phone call from a man who has very little of himself to give, and I have so much...so much inside of me just bursting to to convey to the world. But I don't want to hide, don't wanna shield myself from my friends.
I've hurt enough, and even though it was only a few weeks, I realised that I wanted way more than you were able to give, I'm sure I'm worth more than that.
The fucked up post was because I thought when we said Goodbye, the kiss..... that that was it, it didn't feel right, did it to you? I dunno whether it was nerves or just fate slapping us in the face, but I felt like it was pretty much one sided and that didn't make me feel too good.
I'm sorry you've not been able to get hold of me, it wasn't intentional. My phone went tits up this morning, yesterday I wasn't around and you know if you leave me a message I have no way of saying I received it or returning the favour either.....
My head is sorted at last, I know what I want.
I've just gotta sit and wait for that clock to tick a little more...

I hope we remain friends, I think your one of life's good guys and I'd like to think we made a connection, I guess maybe it just wasn't the right time for either of us.
Keep Smiling.

Adoringly yours

Sugar x