In the corridors of my mind

I was hoping for a lie in today!

I had no kids, no job to get up to, nothing to rush around for this morning and yet still my body refused to relax and go with the flow......

I was awake at just gonna 7am, I looked at the clock and groaned.

I hadn't gone to bed 'til gone 2am.

Had a late night conversation with a good friend who'd a had a few bevvies and decided that he'd like to talk to a friend...lol

I think we talked for almost an hour and a half, by then he'd sobered up!

We talked about some really deep, intense stuff for an early morning call.....his relationship, the state of my private life and my impending insanity.

There is so much going on around me right now, I don't think I've ever been this afraid to be open and trust my feelings and instincts.

I'm just so wary of everything and everyone, their motives and their future plans.

I'm looking at my own history and analysing the hell out of every small compliment and loving word....did they really exist?

Am I really that cold, unfeeling bitch he painted me out to be?

Was that feeling real?

Do I know what it is to really Love?

I'm so very afraid that what's happening now is some cruel set up and that there are people lining up to watch me take a fall, again!

See...paranoia is setting in.

I had a nightmares last night, not had them in a while. I guess my subconscious is open to all my insecurities.

They weren't pleasant at all.

And even in the warmth of daylight it's hard to shake the real fear that what may come in dreams may only be a hair's breadth from reality.
Scary thought indeed.

Adoringly yours

Sugar x